My Thomas the Train Pages

I am somewhat of a Thomas expert, seeing as how my son has the wooden, plastic, and metal Thomas trains and sets, plus a train table and plenty of dvds. I have started a guide to available thomas trains and sets. It's still pretty new, and it may take me a while to complete, since there are hundreds upon hundreds of trains, sets, and accessories, but I am working hard on it.

Win a trip to the Ocean Creek Resort

Ocean Creek Resort monthly family vacation contest - 2 nights and 3 days for 2 adults and 2 children. Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. see site for details.

Smuggler's Notch Vermont Vacation Contest

Enter to Win the Smuggs AutumnFest Vacation for 4 - family vacation deadline is Oct 15th, 2005. See website for details.

Baby Teething Help

My sister is having a really hard time with her 7 month old infant teething, and this is what I told her

"If you haven't tried teething tablets yet it's worth picking some up - they really seemed to help Joe. They are homeopathic. You can get them in any health food store and sometimes in the vitamins section of walmart. Also, do you have a baby safe feeder? If you don't, let me know and I'll send you one. You put a frozen banana slice in it, prop him up on a towel, and let him have at it. It makes a mess but is guaranteed for 20 minutes of quiet time. -- that is unless he's already eating solid food, I don't know what kind of a schedule you have him on."

The teething tablets really did help a lot. I felt completely safe giving them to him, as they were homeopathic. Dr Dean Edell explained homeopathic medicine this way once on his radio (I'm paraphrasing from memory here): You take the medicine, and you put a drop of it in a swimming pool of water, then you take a drop of that water and put it in another swimming pool, and so on and so on until there is no medicine left. The belief is that the water retains the properties of the medicine you are trying to impart, without the side effects.

Also, a friend once told me her boy got into a bottle once and ate the whole thing. She called poison control and they told her not to worry, teething tablets were the safest thing in the world.

So anyway, when Joe was older I would give them to him as a tablet, when he was younger I would dissolve two in a dropperful of water and put it in his mouth. Both ways seemed to help him a lot. He would stop crying and whining -- but it usually only seemed to last for about 10 minutes or so, at which point I would give him more.

Win a Family Adventure Extreme Package to Louisville

Greater Louisville Convention and Visitors Bureau is giving away a family vacation to Kentucky, expires August 31st. See site for exact details: gwinners receive a two-night stay at the Galt House Hotel with breakfast for four and four tickets to six of Louisville's top attractions- the Kentucky Derby Museum, the Louisville Slugger Museum, the Speed Art Museum, the Louisville Science Center and Six Flags Kentucky Kingdom

Ten Ways to be a Better Father

Expectations for fathers are greater than ever before.
They're taking on more responsibility at home, while
the demands at work have never been higher.

Here are ten ways to be a more effective father, during
the precious time fathers do have with their kids:


1. See your kids as capable

The achilles heel of many fathers is to see their
kids as "not good enough." Your kids will feel this,
and they'll live up to these expectations. The more
you approve of them, the greater they'll be!

2. Make time for your kids

There will always be more work, but you won't always
have the chance to be with your kids. Are there ways
to include them in chores around the house? Your kids
will know if they matter to you, by the effort you make
to include them in your day.

3. Use positive forms of discipline

Punishment is not very effective. It tends to create
more of the very behavior that fathers are seeking
to eliminate. Use natural and logical consequences
instead-if you don't pick up your toys, they calmly get
put in a bag, and taken away for awhile. Give them
choices. Positive discipline methods help kids learn
responsibility, while punishment helps them learn to
dislike you.

4. Have a great relationship with your spouse

You are the main role model for your kids, and this
is the main source of information about how to have
an effective, loving relationship. They're watching
very closely to learn how to do it.

5. Be aware of your kids lives

How much do you really know about your kids? Are you
aware of their hopes and dreams? Do you know what
inspires them? Do you know their friends names? What
they like and dislike about you? If there are things
you don't know about your kids, you can always ask!

6. Be nurturing with your kids

Hug and kiss your kids, and let them hear plenty of
"I love you's." And, don't forget to wrestle with
them! Both boys and girls benefit from wrestling with
their dads. Kids need to see your "fun, physical side,"
but they need to see your "soft side" too.

7. "Really" listen to your kids

Put down the newspaper and look your kids in the eye
when they talk to you. Be aware of your own tendency
to "filter" what your kids say. Reflect back what you
heard from them. If you want them to listen to you,
you've got to show them the way.

8. Examine your relationship with your own father

A poor relationship with your own father will affect
your ability to be an effective father. Are there
things you want to say to your father? Forgiving
your father will help you to father to the best of your
ability.

9. Take care of yourself

It's difficult to be kind and nurturing to your family
if you're not kind to yourself. Find ways to take the
time to relax, exercise, and keep your stress levels
lower. And use friends and family to support you-don't
become an "island" in your family. Your family will
appreciate it.

10. Have a plan for your anger

Men can have a difficult time with the emotional
intensity that families bring up. The result is often
anger, which breeds anger in your kids, and creates a
vicious cycle. Make a plan with a specific relaxation
technique that helps to defuse your anger. Remember
that one bad episode can impact your kids for a long
time.

Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC, coaches men to
be better fathers and husbands. He is the author
of "25 Secrets of Emotionally Intelligent Fathers"
Sign up for his FREE bi-weekly newsletter, "Dads,
Don't Fix Your Kids," at http://www.markbrandenburg.com


Lisa's Comments
What a fantastic article - and not just for fathers. Mothers could use this advice too. The only one I have some qualms with is the one about forgiving your father. There are a lot of people walking around out there who have had some pretty awful things done to them by their parents. I don't think forgiving is always possible or advisable. I think not forgiving and never forgetting is the only way to protect their own children from the same type of abuse, from their own hands or from the hands of the people who did it to them.

Even if it was just verbal abuse, there are lifetime repurcussions. I want my children to grow up without that saddle around their neck.

Sending Kids to Preschool

Bonding with children is an article that gives tips about how to deal with a toddler who doesn't want to go to preschool. It's a good article with good tips.

I have a better tip, but it only works if you start when the children are babies: Once they are 6 months or so, get them out of the house at a daycare or sitter's or trusted friend's (trade childcare, if need be) as often as possible for at least a few hours, even if you don't work or don't need to have them watched by someone else. Experience (and common sense) show me that children who have always been watched by someone other than a parent do not find preschool threatening or scary. My own boy never shed one tear, and in fact, loved preschool from the very first day. He had been watched by a friend a few hours a day, 4 days a week, since he was 6 weeks old.

How Children Respond to their Parents' Anger

How Children Respond to Parents’ Anger: Understanding the Brain and Behavior
Copyright © 2005 MaryLynne White
Parent Survival 911

Brain research has given us a new understanding of why children behave the way they do. This article looks at how the brain affects children’s behaviors when they think their parents are angry and upset with them. It then offers suggestions to parents on how to strengthen parenting skills so you can get your kids to
listen to you.

In a nutshell, the brain has three main parts:

1. The brain stem, which is connected to the spinal column, deals with survival. It’s responsible for our heart rate, blood pressure, temperature, etc.

2. You find the midbrain in the central part of your brain. It governs our emotions; how we feel. Although people call it the limbic system, I call this the lizard part of the brain for reasons I will explain later.

3. The third part of the brain is located behind the forehead. I refer to this as the thinking part of the brain. This is where you think rationally, solve problems, find solutions, etc.

Under normal circumstances, when a person sees something that doesn’t look threatening, the image bypasses both the brainstem and the limbic system, moving quickly to the front of the brain. Here, it has the ability to make decisions about what to do next.

When people find themselves feeling afraid for their safety or their life, the message goes directly to the lizard part of the brain. There is no time to have a discussion about what’s going on. No, the brain says, “danger,” and they need to react immediately! There is no thinking taking place. People, like
you and me, react one of three ways:

Fight; we attack what ever it is that’s scaring us

Flight, we try to avoid the situation by walking away, looking away, or changing the subject

Freeze, we are immobilized by fear and can’t move; like a deer on the road watching the headlights of a car coming closer and closer.

Children respond the same way when they become frightened by a parent’s angry voice or response to their behavior. Because they are in the emotional part of their brain, children are unable to think—they’re in pure reaction mode. That’s why I call this part, the “lizard” part of the brain.

When a child hears or sees an angry parent or adult looking at him and/or talking to him, an immediate, unconscious thought occurs in the brain. The child feels a sense of shame, “I’ve done something bad”, or “I’m bad”. The lizard part of the brain
becomes engaged and the unconscious thought of losing the parents’ love (and fears of abandonment), make the child feel unsafe. When a child doesn’t feel safe, you will see the same three behavior patterns.

Fight: The child becomes angry and oppositional, arguing with you. He or she may show aggressiveness and defensiveness, not listening to you. The more a parent
scolds and raises his or her voice, the angrier and more oppositional the child becomes. Does this sound familiar? This is not a winning situation for either parent or child.

Flight: Because of the feeling of shame, the child becomes uncomfortable and doesn’t know how to react to the parent. You might see behaviors such as, not looking at you, walking away, and ignoring you while doing something else. Sometimes, the child breaks down and cries or whimpers, as a means of escape from what he or she perceives are a very uncomfortable situation. The child does not feel safe. This is important for parents to understand. If your child’s reaction to your tone of voice or response is flight, the child not only does not feel safe and will probably not tell you the truth, the child is NOT in the thinking part of the brain; talking about whatever happened will go no where.

Freeze: The child looks at you with blank eyes. The body is there, and no one is home. It’s like looking at a dear in your headlights while driving. The deer sees you coming and yet is paralyzed by fear to move. The same is true when a child shuts down emotionally because he or she does not feel safe and doesn’t know what else to do. The child cannot discuss what happened or process it with you because he or she is not using the thinking part of the brain.

REMEMBER: When you become angry and/or upset at your child:

- The child feels a sense of shame
- Shame brings on fear
- Fear makes the child feel unsafe
- Fear shuts down the thinking part of the brain
- Nothing can be solved
- No one wins!

The next time you find yourself angry at your child; watch his or her reaction and you’ll know immediately which part of the brain is being used. If your child is in the lizard part of the brain, you will need to help him or her shift into the thinking part before you can have a meaningful conversation. Some suggestions
to help you do this are:

Ask your child, “What part of your brain are you in right now?” If the child responds by telling you the lizard part, then ask, “What do you need to do to get to the thinking part?” If the response is, “I don’t know,” Your child has already shifted and is thinking about what you’re saying. “Would you like some suggestions?” usually helps. If the answer is “yes”, give a couple of ideas such as sitting down and thinking about how he created this situation or what he could have done differently so you wouldn’t get angry.

Remember your child is experiencing fear, even though you don’t think there is a reason for it. Consequently, your child will calm down faster if your tone of voice is soft and gentle. Look at your child directly in the eyes and say something like, “I can see you’re upset right now and so am I. Let’s take a time-out from each other and talk about this later when we’re feeling better.”

Respectful, responsible and fun to be around children hang out in the thinking part of their brains. When your child doesn’t act this way, remember the lizard part of the brain. Then, you can help shift your child to the thinking part where you can both talk and work out problems together. It’s a win-win for both of you.

---------------------------------------------------------------------
MaryLynne White
Can a Game Really Compel Any Child to Behave?
"How to Become a Super Nanny in Your Own Home!
Free Consumer Awareness Guide Shows You How..."
http://www.ParentSurvival911.com
949.939.3176

---

I really liked this article. I was raised in an extrememly shaming, abusive household, but I have known since my boy was very small that I did not want to raise him that way. This is just another weapon in my "positive parenting" arsenal that shows why my way (no hitting, no yelling, no shaming) works best. Spanking a child and screaming at a child may work too, but at what cost?

This also applies to adults. Many adults respond to almost everything with a fight or flight reaction. I know, I am one of them. It explains why I can't seem to control myself when I sense something that could be dangerous to me, even if it's something as simple as a critical statement. Now, the question is, how do we ourselves learn to always move straight to our thinking part of the brain?

Two Reviews of Super Baby Food

Book Review: "Super Baby Food" by Ruth Yaron
by Jennifer A. Wickes
© 2005

Buy it here

A comprehensive guide to feeding your baby, loaded with misinformation, arrogant tones, and no credentials.

Ruth Yaron is a mother of two. She decided to write a book about what she fed her children.

She has some very good ideas for parties, healthier versions for fruit snacks, great manners in which to prepare baby food and offers loads of information about each fruit and vegetable. The advantages for making your own baby food are you can control what goes into the food. This is wonderful if you have children with allergies. Also, you can control the texture. When I fed my children homemade baby
food, they seemed to adapt quicker and easier to new foods and table foods much easier than their friends who ate from store brands. Despite that my children are picky like everyone else's, they love fruits and vegetables and I get comments all the time on how well they eat.

Unfortunately, despite the wonderful potential this book has, it is also loaded with extra misinformation. Ruth Yaron recommends feeding nut butters as early as ten months of age. Most pediatricians (if not all) do not recommend giving children any food considered a high allergen until they are older. Imagine having an infant suffering from an anaphylactic reaction? Would you be able to identify one? Or
would you feel safer following your doctor's advice and wait until your child is older where the symptoms would be easier to recognize? Also, she suggests feeding spinach and carrots early as well. Depending on where you are getting your spinach and carrots, they can be loaded with chemicals.

What adds to all of the misinformation in this book is the fact she writes with a patronizing attitude and has absolutely no official training outside of parenting. She is not a nutritionist, nor is she a dietician, and she is not even a doctor!

Then, as if that was not enough, she strays off topic from her book's title, Super Baby Food and suggests tie dying stained onesies, not owning an iron in the house as it may be too dangerous, making your own crayons, a section on bibs, and how to clean your house. Some readers may find this extra information as a bonus. I found this to be an annoyance. If I wanted a book on how to clean my house, I would
have bought one. I wanted a book on feeding my baby. What she may have considered was renaming this book to suggest that these types of suggestions were included in this book, or come up with a second book.

Parenting is a tough job. No one wants to be told that what they are doing is wrong. Each child does not come with his own instruction manual. Then, you get this book where Ruth Yaron preaches her beliefs and basically infers if you do not raise your children her way, then you are not being a good parent. After reading this book, it would be really hard for any mother not to take her tone personally.

If you are an intelligent person who can sift through the information in this book, listen to your doctor and use your instinct for raising and feeding you child, than this is a good book. But, if you are a person that believes everything in print, and you plan to follow this book like it is the Bible, then this book could be dangerous to you.

My suggestion is for someone who is a registered nutritionist get together with a pediatrician, and revise this entire book. There are too many people out there that take everything at face value and do not research on their own. Having a book like this on the shelves was a wonderful idea yet it was poorly executed.

"Super Baby Food"
Ruth Yaron
F. J. Roberts Publishing Company; 2nd edition (June, 1998)
Paperback: 608 pages ; Dimensions (in inches): 8.9 x 5.1 x 1.2
ISBN: 0965260313
Price: $19.95


Jennifer A. Wickes is a freelance food writer, researcher and cookbook reviewer. She has written several eBooks, and has had numerous articles and recipes in printed publications, as well as on-line. She is working on her first cookbook. For more information about Jennifer or her work, please visit her home page:
http://home.comcast.net/~culinaryjen/Home.html


My Comments

Personally, I liked Super Baby food. I did find the author to be a bit of a 'flake' and way too ... earthy for me. However, as a first-time mother I found a lot of helpful information that no one else had told me. I tried a few things from her system, like the baby cereal and the homemade, frozen veggies. I didn't do it for long, mostly because it was a little time-consuming, but I did take a few things away from it.

One thing I took away from it that I really appreciate is her take on adding healthful additives to food you are going to eat anyway. I now chop up spinach and blueberries and flax seed and onions and oatmeal and sometimes brown rice and I put it in things like sloppy joes and tater tot casserole - we don't notice the taste and it gives our food more fiber and nutrients - which is fantastic when dealing with a picky toddler.

As for Ruth's tone, I ignored it. I too, think that the way that I raise my son is the way that everybody should raise their children.