How I taught my Child to Poop in the Potty

My son has been able to pee in the potty since he was a little over two years old. We had no problem with that part of the training. When it was time for him to poop though, he would run and hide, acting embarrassed or ashamed of the act. Attempts to get him to go on the potty at this point caused him to hit or hide or hold his poop.

For almost an entire year we would go through cycles where I would try to train him, normally by keeping him around the house and in underwear, and telling him "if you have to go, go on the potty". Invariably, he would wait until my back was turned and poop in his pants. Sometimes I would leave him naked, and then he would poop and pee on the floor. I tried to bribe him - I bought little toys I knew he would want and showed them to him. I promised him treats and candy. We would do this for a few days until I was sick of cleaning up his poopy pants and maybe I would yell at him, and then I felt bad and wanted to bring down the intensity, so I would put the diapers back on and ignore the issue for a few weeks.

What finally worked with him is this: 1. I waited until the week before his third birthday, when I was convinced he was completely ready (he showed all the signs - well except for the one about disliking the feeling of sitting in a dirty diaper, he never cared about that at all) and I just knew that if we could just get him to go in the potty once, he would be completely trained.

It took three days and he has been completely trained since - not even one accident.

2. I took him out of his diaper and put him underwear. I told him repeatedly that he was a big boy and was going to poop in the potty and we weren't going to use diapers anymore. I told him how much it meant to me that he accomplish this. I told him it was OK if he was scared or embarrased - I was going to help him through that. I did all this in the gentlest, most loving voice I could, and then I watched him like a hawk. I watched him every second of every day, even taking him to the bathroom with me so I could see him. Every time it looked like he was thinking about pooping in his pants I led him to the potty and had him sit down. I would then read him a story or turn on the tv, anything to keep him on the potty.

Now, my son is a born fighter. If I would have shown one ounce of anger or impatience with him he would have responded by screaming and hitting and pulling away. I had to be completely firm with him "You have to sit on the potty" but I had to do it in a very calm manner. It also helped if I told him "It's OK, you can do it, I know you can do it, I'll help you do it" or something along those lines. I said these things and used this manner every time I led him to the potty.

Day 1: He held his poop through all the potty sitting and talking until I put a diaper on him for his nap. He napped, and then pooped in the diaper before he came out to tell me he was awake.

Day 2: I did not put a diaper on him for his nap. I put a chux and a towel under him and reminded him to hold his pee. He held his poop all day until I put his bedtime diaper on him and then pooped while I was brushing my teeth.

Day 3: Success! I enlisted Daddy's help. When my husband got home from work I told him I was exhausted and he needed to take over and not let our son out of his sight. He hadn't pooped yet, I know he was just waiting me out. Daddy started telling him how important it was and all the things I had told him. We told him that he would not get a diaper, he would sleep in underwear that night. Daddy saw definite signs and put him on the potty a few times. He just held it, waiting for an opportunity when Daddy wasn't looking. Then, Daddy had a brainstorm of making a little tent between the couch and the wall and putting the potty in it. He told Joe it was his privacy tent and no one could see him in there. He put Joe on the potty and pretended to leave the room (he still watched him from behind the entertainment center though). Well, he did it. We all made a huge deal out of it and danced and sang and gave him a treat and acted like he was a hero.

That was two months ago. We still make a big deal out of poops and we have not had one accident or problem. It has been smooth sailing since getting over that first hump. Now, Joe doesn't need privacy (although sometimes he will cover his eyes while he poops, LOL) and he can go anywhere - in the little potty, in the big potty, at the store - he even went on the airplane when we flew to the mainland. Gotta love these kids!

Regarding Mineral Oil
I read on the Internet that some woman's doctor recommended she give the child mineral oil which would make his stool so soft it would slide right out when he sat on the potty, and that would get him over the reluctance to poop in the potty. Well, I really considered this hard, but I ended up not doing it. I just didn't want to deal with any accidents that might come along with that and it just felt wrong to do that to my child - like I was tricking him or lying to him. Some people have suggested flax oil on an attachment list I read, and I might have tried that if I had read it before my problem was solved. It just seems more natural and healthy than mineral oil.

A word about constipation and fear of pooping
My son never has been constipated one day in his life and has never held his poop because it hurt. I can't speak from experience here, but if I had a child who feared to poop because of the pain it caused, I would forget potty training until I had his constipation problem under control. I believe it is 100% possible to do this completely with diet in healthy children. (I'm not a doctor - check with yours). We all need fiber to ensure our bowels work how they are supposed to. I make sure my son gets enough fiber every day of his life with this strategy. He eats fruit with every meal. He won't touch vegetables, so I just forget them and hide them in his food when I can (think frozen spinach and blueberries pureed and put in chili or sloppy joes, you won't even know it's there). So, he eats fruit - a lot of pears and apples with the skin left on and some grapes and tangerines. He eats a lot of beans. When he was younger I used to give him beans with every meal too :) I was a real fiber-maniac when he was just starting to eat. When he eats snacks they must have fiber. Get the whole grain goldfish instead of the regular ones. Give them oatmeal cookies instead of oreos. Even teddy grahams have an ounce of fiber. Really good choices are black bean tortilla chips and kashi mighty bites. Tons of fiber in both and kids love them as snacks. Go easy on the cheese and bananas. Read the labels and push the fiber! I promise it is possible and sooo worth it.